i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
