you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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