why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
