Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".

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(512): View more from Texas

it hurts more in the daytime

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(708): View more from Illinois

so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.

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(251): View more from Alabama

Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?

(1-251): View more from Alabama

Why are you in my underwear drawer?

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(734): View more from Michigan

Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.

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(541): View more from Oregon

woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.

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(914): View more from New York

yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans

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(303): View more from Colorado

Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.

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(408): View more from California

We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar

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