can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito