dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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