At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT