Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
