there's paper in my vomit.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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