You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm too high and old for this...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
