Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
