maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
