Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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