First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
