Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
