The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
