he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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