if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
