I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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