Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
