Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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