that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
