Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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