I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
