four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
