the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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