Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
nutella sex= disaster
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
