Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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