Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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