I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
