I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
