I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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