Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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