I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
