community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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