my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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