He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
