I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize