the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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