hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
