That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
