So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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