haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
