How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
