Moan for me like Helen Keller
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
