We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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