apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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