Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
