I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
