Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
