I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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