Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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