I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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