it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Randomize
