where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
