I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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