So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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