i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Your cock deserves a montage
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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