Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
