Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is my life. Enjoy the view
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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