I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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