If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
