I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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