I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We are all done wearing pants today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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