I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
