what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Two words: nipple clamps
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