Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You smell like a Billy Joel song
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
last night I used snow as a chaser
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
