I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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