I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Blood and glitter go together right?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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