STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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