dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
