You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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