So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Success! We fucked roommates!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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