maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
