why didn't you poke me back
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
