Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
