3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
